You know me. "Oh," said Mom, horrified. “Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. I can't find it." That much effort at your age, you can’t be too careful. Thank you for always being older than me. Your parents are your number one fans! “Probably the same thing as everyone. 50th Birthday Jokes. She said, "Hot diggity dog, I will have myself fixed up." Another year and you’re one step closer to diapers being mandatory! Big Lips Jokes. You know that saying ‘with age comes wisdom’? "Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered. Instead, my mother had written, "128 lbs.". His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. How long exactly? As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?” The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”. “Please, Señora,” the poor man pleads, “I haven't eaten all day.” "Works every time.". he said. When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dad’s mental state, asked, “What gets you up in the morning?” My father shrugged. And I don't like to say I'm losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had I been more responsible, this wouldn't have happened. Old Man Jokes. Joking about their age, bodily functions, even sex lives are all common. My husband can’t activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years.". asked Fred. It wasn’t to... For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." You survived disco. Happy Birthday you old fart! “I’ll ask my wife.” He got up, walked into the... Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. More jokes about: baby, birthday, husband, marriage, wife For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. Happy Birthday! Birthdays suck when you’re old, but at least you don’t have too many more to go. Gap Teeth Jokes. We are born naked, wet & hungry, then things get worse. TRENDING 25th Birthday Jokes. “This is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. "You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the... Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. With celebration comes great laughs. If I were 30 years older, it wouldn’t bother me so much.”, The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. "But I've got to", said Sam, "my teeth are in it!". “No. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. “Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. he asked. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. “Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end,” I suggested. Robert Orben. In your case.. not so much. Absolutely hillarious age one-liners! While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, “How’s your love life?” “I don’t know,” he said. Especially when it’s guys! You can use these birthday jokes at parties, gatherings, or just for fun. But I remembered that at your age spotting little things is easier said than done! But when it’s between friends we often make fun of and give each other a hard time over getting older. His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". “Someone who will wear something just to look different,” I said. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. Phyllis Diller ... People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my 87th birthday. When a soldier came to the 
clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an 
attractive, young technician. "My knees, my elbows, my neck … ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. A: It was a sappy one! Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Hilarious Naughty Old Man Best Marriage Joke: The Old Motor The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back... At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" I’ve kept the receipt for the gift, y’know, just in case you didn’t make it. The largest collection of birthday one-line jokes in the world. We recommend our users to update the browser. "Where's your hair?" Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Laughter is the best medicine they say – and I agree. The tenant shook her head. She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age.... We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. You’re not getting older you’re just a little closer to death, Age is just a number… although in you’re case it’s a pretty big number! Happy Birthday you old geezer, Happy Birthday! And I don’t like to say I’m losing my hair, because that makes it sound like had... After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player. So he invited the old man inside for a drink.... My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that's the law. Happy Birthday old man! Happy Birthday, old man. 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